Really Funny And Clean Jokes To Tell In English
Funny and Clean Jokes to Tell: Who doesn’t love a little laugh? One of the ways to make someone laugh is by telling a very funny joke.
Jokes helps us in making our mood to fresh and cheerful. Remember the moments when you had a good session of jokes and you laughed your brains out? Well, if you want to experience that again then this post is fated for you.
As a matter of fact, we all know that ‘Laughter’ is the best medicine for the mind and body.
We always search the internet for some funny jokes but not every joke is funny. I think you have experienced this too!!
Sometimes, we read a joke (and some pathetically long ones too) and then end up wondering what sense did it even make to read that, leave apart laughing.
So, to save you from all such jokes-but-not-jokes kind of thing..
I have listed below some of the very best jokes just for you.
These jokes are of multiple dimensions so that you are not bored for reading same types of jokes as you read these jokes.
Believe me, they are just too funny to simply smile. Don’t forget to tell me which one of these jokes that you liked the most in the comments below.
Let’s dive into the world of laughter now!
Really Funny And Clean Jokes To Tell In English
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
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It’s just that, I can’t stop thinking about that tenth person who apparently enjoyed it.
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Little Kate (on phone): My daughter is having high fever and he won’t be able to come to school today.
Teacher: Who is this?
Little Kate: This is my mother speaking!
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James: “Daddy, what is an alcoholic?”
Proud Dad: “Do you see those 4 trees, son? An alcoholic would see 8 trees.”
James: “Um, Dad – there are only 2 trees.”
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A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.
B: I'm not. I'm her mother.
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At an interview;
Interviewer: “So you’d be starting off at 20 000, but later on it can go up to 40 000.”
Sam: “Excellent, I’ll start later on.”
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Teacher announced that “students, we will have only half a day of school in this morning.”
All the students said “Yeahh”
Then the teacher said “We will have the other half this afternoon”!
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A: Why is women’s soccer so rare?
B: It’s quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.
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A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.
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Wife calls her mother: "Today I fought so much with my husband. I am coming to live with you again.
Mother: No. He should pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.
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Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: Because of the sign on the road.
Teacher: What type of sign?
Student: The sign that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”
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Boy: “You are so kind, funny and beautiful.”
Girl: “Oh, come on. You just want to get me to bed.”
Boy: “And smart, too!”
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Tom: "Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?"
TEACHER:" Of course not."
Tom: "Good, because I haven`t done my homework."
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Q: What do politicians and diapers have in common?
A: Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason.
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Teacher asked, If I saw a man beating a dog and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing?
The student replied: BROTHERLY LOVE
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A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body.... and yet most men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
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Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred-dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.
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A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?”
The husband: “Are you mad? I barely know the woman!”
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Teacher: Tell me an example of a creature which can live on water as well as the land.
Student: Frog.
Teacher: Another example.
Student: Another frog.
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Q: Why haven’t you ever seen any elephants hiding up trees?
A: Because they’re really, really good at it.
Customer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it.
Waitress: Oh, that's okay. The soup isn't hot.
A: “Grandpa, why don't you have any life insurance?"
Grandpa: "So you can all be really sad when I die."
Teacher: Sir, why doctors wear a mask when they do an operation?
Student: For safety. If the patient dies, others can’t find out who did the operation.
Q: What’s the one thing snipers can’t tell their wives?
A: I missed you this morning.
Joe: "I was born in California."
Katherine: "Which part?"
Joe: "All of me."
TEACHER: Boy, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
Boy: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mother is good cook.
Condoms. By humans, for humans, on humans, in humans – against more humans.
A: "Excuse me. Do you know the way to the zoo?"
B: "No, I'm sorry I don't."
A: "Well, it's two blocks this way, then one block to the left."
Two men talking on a bus.
A: “I’ve been riding this bus to work for 15 years now.”
B: “Lord Almighty, where did you get on?!”
Q: What did the picture say to the wall?
A: I was framed!
Wife: “It’s our wedding anniversary in a week, darling. How do you think we should celebrate?”
Husband: “With a minute of silence.”
Teacher: Do you have trouble making decisions?
Student: Well...yes and no.
I’ve read so many horrible things about drinking and smoking recently that I made a new, firm New Year’s resolution: NO MORE READING!
Q: What did the blanket say to the bed?
A: Don’t worry. I got you covered.
Doctor: Hello, did you come to see me with an eye problem?
Patient: Wow, yes, how can you tell?
Doctor: Because you came in through the window instead of the door.
Man said to God --- Why did you make women so beautiful?
God said to man --- So that you will love them.
Man said to God --- But why did you make them so dumb?
God said to man --- So that they will love you.
Q: Why did the Chicken cross the road?
A: To prove it wasn’t chicken.
Teacher: Maria, please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well, done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.
A guest is ordering at a restaurant
A: “Do you think you could bring me what that gentleman over there is having?”
The waiter looks at him sternly, “No sir, I’m very sure he intends to eat it himself.”
A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's.
Me: “Siri, why am I still single?!”
Siri activates front camera.
A very drunk man comes out of the bar and sees another very drunk man.
He looks up in the sky and says, "Is that the sun or the moon?"
The other drunk man answers, "I don't know. I'm a stranger here myself."
Dentist warns his patient, “This might be a bit painful.”
Patient: “That’s OK, I’ll handle it.”
The dentist sighs, “For a while now, I’ve been having an affair with your wife.”
A: Meet my new born brother.
B: Oh, he is so handsome! What's his name?
A: I don't know. I can't understand a word he says.
Wife: Wait for me honey, I’m just finishing my make-up.
Husband: You don’t need make-up, Jane.
Wife: Oh, Richard…. really? That is so sweet of you!
Husband: You need plastic surgery.
Husband is now taking treatment in hospital.
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Customer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it.
Waitress: Oh, that's okay. The soup isn't hot.
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A: “Grandpa, why don't you have any life insurance?"
Grandpa: "So you can all be really sad when I die."
----------
Teacher: Sir, why doctors wear a mask when they do an operation?
Student: For safety. If the patient dies, others can’t find out who did the operation.
----------
Q: What’s the one thing snipers can’t tell their wives?
A: I missed you this morning.
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Joe: "I was born in California."
Katherine: "Which part?"
Joe: "All of me."
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TEACHER: Boy, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
Boy: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mother is good cook.
----------
Condoms. By humans, for humans, on humans, in humans – against more humans.
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A: "Excuse me. Do you know the way to the zoo?"
B: "No, I'm sorry I don't."
A: "Well, it's two blocks this way, then one block to the left."
----------
Two men talking on a bus.
A: “I’ve been riding this bus to work for 15 years now.”
B: “Lord Almighty, where did you get on?!”
----------
Q: What did the picture say to the wall?
A: I was framed!
----------
Wife: “It’s our wedding anniversary in a week, darling. How do you think we should celebrate?”
Husband: “With a minute of silence.”
----------
Teacher: Do you have trouble making decisions?
Student: Well...yes and no.
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I’ve read so many horrible things about drinking and smoking recently that I made a new, firm New Year’s resolution: NO MORE READING!
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Q: What did the blanket say to the bed?
A: Don’t worry. I got you covered.
----------
Doctor: Hello, did you come to see me with an eye problem?
Patient: Wow, yes, how can you tell?
Doctor: Because you came in through the window instead of the door.
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Man said to God --- Why did you make women so beautiful?
God said to man --- So that you will love them.
Man said to God --- But why did you make them so dumb?
God said to man --- So that they will love you.
----------
Q: Why did the Chicken cross the road?
A: To prove it wasn’t chicken.
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Teacher: Maria, please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well, done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.
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A guest is ordering at a restaurant
A: “Do you think you could bring me what that gentleman over there is having?”
The waiter looks at him sternly, “No sir, I’m very sure he intends to eat it himself.”
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A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's.
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Me: “Siri, why am I still single?!”
Siri activates front camera.
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A very drunk man comes out of the bar and sees another very drunk man.
He looks up in the sky and says, "Is that the sun or the moon?"
The other drunk man answers, "I don't know. I'm a stranger here myself."
----------
Dentist warns his patient, “This might be a bit painful.”
Patient: “That’s OK, I’ll handle it.”
The dentist sighs, “For a while now, I’ve been having an affair with your wife.”
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A: Meet my new born brother.
B: Oh, he is so handsome! What's his name?
A: I don't know. I can't understand a word he says.
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Wife: Wait for me honey, I’m just finishing my make-up.
Husband: You don’t need make-up, Jane.
Wife: Oh, Richard…. really? That is so sweet of you!
Husband: You need plastic surgery.
Husband is now taking treatment in hospital.
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Conclusion:
For the duration of our life, your comedic tastes will undoubtedly change. Abruptly, jokes that once made you twofold over are currently seen as adolescent, and strange films you once discovered amusing presently are not funny at all. Luckily, there are sure entertaining jokes that rise above age and tastes in satire. These amusing jokes are senseless to such an extent that even the most genuine individuals can't resist the urge to giggle at them. Above, I have gathered together the most amusing senseless jokes everybody will cherish. These entertaining jokes will flip around your scowl before you know it. In any event, you'll break an incredible laugh wholeheartedly!
I hope these funny jokes add a little humor to your life. We should be happy ourselves and keep the people around us happy too!
If you love the post, then share to your friends and family.
Thanks for the help in growing this community.
Have a nice day ahead!!
I hope these funny jokes add a little humor to your life. We should be happy ourselves and keep the people around us happy too!
If you love the post, then share to your friends and family.
Thanks for the help in growing this community.
Have a nice day ahead!!
wow nice
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