Funny Lawyer Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud
Lawyer Jokes: Let's be frank, lawyers make it simple when it comes to satire. If this happens to be your chosen occupation, don't take it personally (request: no litigation necessary). Really, take it as a compliment. |
| Lawyer Jokes: Short, Clean and Funny Jokes On Lawyers To Read Now |
That's why, well, sometimes we like to sit back and enjoy a little laugh at your expense, also known as lawyers' jokes.
Remember, they're all jokes. So just laugh with these but don't take them personally.
Let's dig into these!
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Short, Clean and Funny Jokes On Lawyers
QUE: Why won't sharks devour lawyers?
ANS: Professional courtesy.
If you laid all of the lawyers in the world from end-to-end pattern on the equator………
Who cares about that just leave them there.
QUE: How many lawyers do you think we need to paint the Great Wall of China red?
ANS: Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.
ANS: Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.
QUE: Why did a leopard follow an elephant through the forest eating the elephant's droppings?
ANS: He had just eaten a lawyer and he was trying to get the taste out of his mouth.
ANS: He had just eaten a lawyer and he was trying to get the taste out of his mouth.
QUE: Do you know what is the difference between a lawyer and a liar?
ANS: Only the pronunciation.
ANS: Only the pronunciation.
A man died and was sent to Hell. As he passed sulfurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he knew to be a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman.
“That’s really unfair!” he cried. “I have to suffer for entire eternity, but that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman. Why are you so cruel?”
“Shut up!!,” shouted the devil in fury. “How dare you question that woman’s punishment?”
“That’s really unfair!” he cried. “I have to suffer for entire eternity, but that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman. Why are you so cruel?”
“Shut up!!,” shouted the devil in fury. “How dare you question that woman’s punishment?”
A lawyer facing witness on the stand, “You seem to possess more than the common level of intelligence for a man of your background.” The witness replied immediately, “I’d return the compliment, but I’m under oath.”
Two lawyers were talking about their weekends. “The first lawyer said, “I got a cat for my kids.” The other lawyer answered, “Good trade.”
QUE: Do you know the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
ANS: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
ANS: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
Lawyer: Judge, I wish to appeal my client’s case on the basis of newly found evidence.
Judge: And what is the origin and type of the new evidence?
Lawyer: Judge, I discovered that my client still has $400 left.
Judge: And what is the origin and type of the new evidence?
Lawyer: Judge, I discovered that my client still has $400 left.
QUE: What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?
ANS: You always hear about them, but you never see them.
ANS: You always hear about them, but you never see them.
A: When an attorney gets married, they don’t say, “I do.”
A: They would only say, “I accept the terms and conditions.”
A: They would only say, “I accept the terms and conditions.”
QUE: Where do vampires learn to suck blood?
ANS: Law school.
ANS: Law school.
QUE: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
ANS: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. And the moment when they land, they screw up everything forever.
ANS: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. And the moment when they land, they screw up everything forever.
Personal injury lawyer jokes:
QUE: How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
ANS: You need Three ; for one to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and the third to sue the ladder company.
How do you get a group of personal injury lawyers to smile for a picture?
Just say "Fees!"
Just say "Fees!"
A personal injury lawyer was on vacation in a small rural town. While strolling down the hill, he spotted a car that had just been involved in an accident. As one would expect, a large crowd gathered near the site.
Going by instinct, the attorney was eager to get to the injured, but he couldn’t get near the car. Being very clever, he started shouting in a loud voice, “Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim.”
The crowd immediately made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
Going by instinct, the attorney was eager to get to the injured, but he couldn’t get near the car. Being very clever, he started shouting in a loud voice, “Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim.”
The crowd immediately made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
A young personal injury lawyer, starting up his private practice, was very anxious to impress potential clients. The moment he saw the first visitor to his office come through the door, he suddenly took his phone and started speaking,” I’m very sorry, but my schedule is so tight that I’m not going to be able to look into your problem for at least a month. I’ll reach back to you when I am free.” He then turned to the man who had just walked in, and said, “Now, what can I do for you?”
“Nothing,” replied the man. “I’m here to hook up your phone.”
“Nothing,” replied the man. “I’m here to hook up your phone.”
Divorce lawyer jokes:
QUE: How do you know when your divorce is getting ugly?ANS: When your lawyer doesn't seem like a bloodsucking leech anymore.
Doctor and lawyer jokes:
A Doctor, an accountant and a lawyer were asked "How much is 2+2?"
The Doctor replies: "Four!".
The accountant says: "It's either 3 or 4. For confirmation, let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time."
The lawyer asks in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?"
Real estate lawyer jokes:
A surgeon, an engineer, and a lawyer were discussing and arguing about which profession was the oldest. Firstly, the doctor said, "Well, on the fifth day of Creation, God took a rib from Adam, so surgery is the oldest profession." Then, the engineer added, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos, so I say that engineering is the oldest profession." Lastly, the lawyer turned the tables by saying, "But who do you think that created the chaos?"
Short lawyer jokes:
QUE: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
ANS: His lips are moving.
QUE: What did the lawyer name his daughter?
ANS: Sue.
QUE: What is the basic difference that you know between a lawyer and a group buffaloes?
ANS: The lawyer charges more.
Clean lawyer jokes and Best one line lawyer jokes:
QUE: How does an attorney sleep?
ANS: First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.
Talk is really cheap until the moment you hire a lawyer.
QUE: What would you say when a priest that becomes a lawyer?
ANS: A father in law.
It was freezing cold last winter that, by chance, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
Lawyer jokes by lawyers:
Two attorneys went into a famous 7-star hotel and ordered coffee. When the waiter left for the order, the lawyers quickly opened their briefcases and each pulled out a hotdog and started eating.
The owner was very furious💢 and he quickly marched over and spoke, "You can't eat your own hotdogs on this table."
The lawyers looked at each other in amazement, nodded to each other, and exchanged their hotdogs.
The owner is still in critical situation😜.
Two lawyers were walking along negotiating a case. “Hey, look,” said one, “let’s be honest with each other."
“Okay, you first,” replied the other.
That was the end of the discussion😁.
“Okay, you first,” replied the other.
That was the end of the discussion😁.
FUNNY LAWYER QUOTES:
"A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats." - Benjamin Franklin.
"There are three sorts of lawyers - able, unable and lamentable." - Robert Smith Surtees
“Where there is a will there is a lawsuit” — Addison Mizner
"Whoever tells the best story wins." - John Quincy Adams
"A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth." - Patrick Murray
"Ignorance of the law excuses no man - from practicing it." - Adison Mizner
"In almost every case, you have to read between the lies." - Angie Papadakis
"A lawyer is a gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it for himself." - Lord Brougham
Conclusion:
Well, Jokes aside, Lawyer's profession is very important because they are the people who help us fight for our rights. These jokes are a result of funnier side of the lawyers.
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